Those Advice shared by My Parent Which Helped Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the truth soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to talk between men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - going on a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."